pms

my friend died a year ago. he was facing an astronomical amount of academic and familial pressure. for a long time afterwards, i wanted to die too.

i remember staring at myself in the mirror, tears flowing, contemplating which way to do it. i’m glad that i decided to go to bed.

i got my period the next day. i’ve noticed a trend since—my pms causes an increase in suicidal ideation.

i can’t tell my parents what happened. they are emotional messes. i wish i could do something, anything, to curb this. it’s exhausting, and it’s real.