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my senior year of high school I had a close group of friends. me and 3 girlfriends and 4 guy friends. for the new year we went to one of our houses on a lake. we got very drunk all of us and I come out of my shell when I’m drunk. I got to the point where I was blackout. I can only remember bits and pieces. I do remember being tired of not having a guys attention in a while. I ended up making out apparently with one of my guy friends who was a complicated ex of one my girlfriends. Another of our friends walked in on before anything “serious” happened. I remember crying afterwards and my friend being mad. The rest of the weekend was awful. It was the first time I blacked out and was hungover. I didn’t know what we did or what I did and how it happened. I’ve never felt any attraction to the guy friend before and never will. He said he was drunk but everyone else there said he was barely tipsy and was behaving normally. I wasn’t. I hated myself for what I did and then word got around school and the word slut got thrown around. That night I self harmed and thought about suicide. I cried for a long time. It eventually went away after a few months and this guy friend and my friend group said just forget about it, it was nothing it’s in the past. My friend said to just forget about it to do if she forgave me than I don’t want to bring it up. I still think sometimes what exactly happened. I know he was not drunk he barely had two drinks. Everybody had told me it wasn’t SA because I was acting like I wanted it before, that’s what my two other guy friends told me. I’m just confused and think about it sometimes.


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