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Loss & Loss

I’m seventeen years old and I had a miscarriage. I could’ve only been about 4 weeks pregnant so it definitely could’ve been worse but going through that all alone is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I didn’t know I was pregnant. It’s complicated, mourning the loss of something you weren’t aware of until it was too late. I don’t think I would’ve been able to go through with getting an abortion so I guess it’s for the best. We were never even officially together, he’s in his late 20s and even though it’s perfectly legal in my state he has too much to loose. He’s well known and if this ever got out it would probably ruin his life. He already ruined my life though. He ended things a week after the miscarriage. I lost everything to him… then I lost him. At first he comforted me and was there for me but I guess I became too much for him. he said we could still be friends… I haven’t heard from him in months. And despite this all I still love him, I love him so much. the universe is cruel. why couldn’t we have met when I was older? Why couldn’t the baby have lived? Why did you leave me when I needed you most? when you told me that you love me that you’d marry me that I was special were you just lying straight through your teeth? Maybe in another dimension we are the same age and the baby lived and everything worked out. Maybe someday our time will come and everything works out and we will get to be a happy little family.

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