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Maybe if I was skinny.

A little over a year ago I fell for this boy. He was sweet and would always talk about his mom; a mama's boy. He had a bright soul and it didn't take me long to fall for him. He got a girlfriend soon after we met. She was one of my best friends at the time. I thought it would be better if I didn't say anything or make it seem that I liked him. We eventually became friends after his breakup with my best friend. They were together for about a week. I waited for us to become closer, I thought maybe, this time he would like me back and I could show him I would love him. He would wait for me at lunch, lay on my lap, and would hug me. I thought he was interested in me. That's when I decided to ask if he liked anyone. He told me yes. But he liked one of his exes. Not me. So I waited. They broke up after about a month. I told myself to move on from him because he didn't want me. I got into a 7 month relationship will someone. The whole time I was used for my body and to pursue sexual fantasies. I broke up with this person in June. We didn't talk much throughout the summer and he had me blocked. We reunited quickly at school. He came to my house twice. This time I thought I had a chance. He was waiting for me, flirting with me. He got a girlfriend just as I was going to tell him. This girl, let's call her K, she was known for cheating and lying. I told him it wasn't a good idea to date her because she might cheat on him. She did. She tried justifying her cheating by saying she had feelings for this other boy before him. I asked her why she would get into a relationship if she had feelings for someone else. No answer. There was much more drama after that because one of our friends told him. She said that he would never want me because I'm bigger. Bigger than her that is. I'm a size medium to XL depending on what I'm getting, 12 in Lululemon, 36DD, and 180 pounds. I'm not that big, at least I thought. After he broke up with her I told him. Finally, I told him. He came over on Saturday and the whole time we were cuddling and watching movies. I honestly thought he liked me. The next day at 11 PM I get a text from him. "Hey." Shit. He rejected me that night. I said that's fine. I told him I'd wait for him to realize I would always be there for him. A week goes by but every night I get, "I'm so ugly" or "Why do you even like me?" over and over I would answer. IT got to the point where he would harass me for liking him. "Can you just stop liking me?" He says. "Why?" I ask. "Cus it's really annoying." I snapped when those words popped up on my screen. How could he say something like that to me? He can't tell me how to feel. And the only reason why it would be annoying is the fact that he keeps bringing it up. After this, he starts talking to another girl. All I think now is maybe he would like me better if I was skinny.A little over a year ago I fell for this boy. He was sweet and would always talk about his mom; a mama's boy. He had a bright soul and it didn't take me long to fall for him. He got a girlfriend soon after we met. She was one of my best friends at the time. I thought it would be better if I didn't say anything or make it seem that I liked him. We eventually became friends after his breakup with my best friend. They were together for about a week. I waited for us to become closer, I thought maybe, this time he would like me back and I could show him I would love him. He would wait for me at lunch, lay on my lap, and would hug me. I thought he was interested in me. That's when I decided to ask if he liked anyone. He told me yes. But he liked one of his exes. Not me. So I waited. They broke up after about a month. I told myself to move on from him because he didn't want me. I got into a 7 month relationship will someone. The whole time I was used for my body and to pursue sexual fantasies. I broke up with this person in June. We didn't talk much throughout the summer and he had me blocked. We reunited quickly at school. He came to my house twice. This time I thought I had a chance. He was waiting for me, flirting with me. He got a girlfriend just as I was going to tell him. This girl, let's call her K, she was known for cheating and lying. I told him it wasn't a good idea to date her because she might cheat on him. She did. She tried justifying her cheating by saying she had feelings for this other boy before him. I asked her why she would get into a relationship if she had feelings for someone else. No answer. There was much more drama after that because one of our friends told him. She said that he would never want me because I'm bigger. Bigger than her that is. I'm a size medium to XL depending on what I'm getting, 12 in Lululemon, 36DD, and 180 pounds. I'm not that big, at least I thought. After he broke up with her I told him. Finally, I told him. He came over on Saturday and the whole time we were cuddling and watching movies. I honestly thought he liked me. The next day at 11 PM I get a text from him. "Hey." Shit. He rejected me that night. I said that's fine. I told him I'd wait for him to realize I would always be there for him. A week goes by but every night I get, "I'm so ugly" or "Why do you even like me?" over and over I would answer. IT got to the point where he would harass me for liking him. "Can you just stop liking me?" He says. "Why?" I ask. "Cus it's really annoying." I snapped when those words popped up on my screen. How could he say something like that to me? He can't tell me how to feel. And the only reason why it would be annoying is the fact that he keeps bringing it up. After this, he starts talking to another girl. All I think now is maybe he would like me better if I was skinny.

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