I see myself in so many of you.
I've had suicidal ideation since I was 8 or 9 years old. I cut myself for the first time when I was 12. I was sexually assaulted when I was 11 and then again when I was 17. I was ostracized in high school and felt so stressed about it all the time. I hated going to school. I'm 23 now, and I haven't self harmed in years. I still struggle a lot. But I am doing so much better than I was. I'm really glad I've stayed around. If you're struggling, please consider asking your parents if you can see a psychiatrist or therapist. I was terrified and literally sobbed when I telling my mom I needed help and had been cutting myself for years. I am so glad I did though. I saw a psychiatrist about a month before I went to college and was diagnosed with OCD and depression. It wasn't until moving out and going to college (and starting zoloft!) that I started feeling hope for the future. I just want to tell you all that it can get better. There are glimmers of hope that remind you why you're here.
Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. When you're feeling down, ask what you would say to someone else in your situation, and then say it to yourself. BE NICE TO YOURSELF. Stop telling yourself mean things. Stop telling yourself you can't do things. Do not be your own biggest bully. I know it's hard, but being nice to yourself and not calling yourself a stupid idiot after every interaction (AKA what i used to do) can be such a gamechanger. Also, I know it's hard to conceptualize when you're seeing the same people every day, but other peoples opinons literally dont matter. The only person who's opinon matters is yours. If you're in middle or high school and people are being dicks to you, just remember that theyre actively peaking in high school and will spend the rest of their life trying to live up to that. it's lame. and embarrassing.
you're a star. i love you. please stick around <3