suicide is selfish?????

Somedays I really just question my existence.. like I truly don’t understand why im here. I don’t Do want to kill myself and i’ve tried to many many times…. but Ive always have had things stopping me like when im home alone it seems like the perfect time to but i don’t want to traumatize my mom, dad, little sister, or my brothers. My mom always yells and screams at me when she find cuts and scars on my body she then slaps me or gets in my face yelling at the top of her lungs saying how stupid I am and how im being selfish for wanting to kill myself. I guess me being depressed and sad and wanting to die is selfish and its all my fault. just like everything else is…