small thing that bothers me
- breathesafespace
- Jul 27
- 2 min read
I’m really fortunate to have a great mom. She’s interesting, and smart, kind, and level-headed. She supports me in my interests and sometimes even joins in. I’m very much a “good kid” (( whatever that means )) and I rarely break rules or do things adults don’t like people my age to do. I do curse and flip people/stuff off pretty regularly though. I’m a Christian, so it’s a habit I’d like to break, but nonetheless it’s a habit I have. On two occasions that I can remember, my mom has caught me in this habit. What bothers me is that she doesn’t get really upset or reprimand me or glare at me or any usual parent repercussion to doing something “bad”. She just makes a face and says “oh!” or “what was that?” And then waits for me to explain. What am I supposed to say? “Oh, yes, I said ‘that’s not fucking funny’, mom. I said those words with my mouth.” So?? What is that going to do? And then we never talk about it again. It leaves me with a bad feeling in my stomach. I guess it’s guilt, but why do I feel guilty for doing something I’ve never explicitly been told not to do and even when I’m caught doing it my mom is unclear about how she feels or what she wants from me. All I want is to do things that will please her, but sometimes I mess up, and I just want to be told I can’t do it or get grounded or something. I know this is a very minor issue, but it irks me a lot and I just have an icky feeling about it. If you’re reading this god bless you. <3