depression

Hey, so lately i’ve been feeling down and I realized my depression is back. I’m less active, losing my appetite, less motivated, having suicidal thoughts and this isn’t new for me I have had 2 failed attempts due to depression, i’m trying to find help and I have people that want to help but I push them away every time cause I feel like I can’t depend on people due to pass trauma over the years. I have a bad habit of self harming when i’m depressed and i’m trying my hardest not to self harm or starve myself and I just really need help and/or somebody to talk to who will listen without judgment.