don't tell

I remember telling my mom for the first time

I was in her room

I sat there

crying

I couldn't speak

I just thought I can't go back now

she had to guess what happened

it was the worst game of charades I had ever played

when she finally realized

I felt like it was done,

I had done my part

I had warned everyone, I blew the whistle

I didn't realize that it was one of those whistles that only dogs and parents could hear

a few minutes after crying and crying

she tells me

did you tell anyone,

don't tell anyone,

it can ruin his life.

so it's ok that he ruined mine, but not ok if I tell the truth?

I thought her, of all people, would understand, would be on my side,

now I live a life of blocking memories out, repressing anything that could make me feel

like I am the odd one out.