Random thoughts of pain and suffering

It is currently 1 am. My homework is laid at my feet just asking for me to do it. I refuse. I cannot go on with the monotony of life. Why would I need to do homework if I was not going to wake up the next day. The thunder is pounding, asking me to come join it up there. The more realistic thought is down there. My eyes are blurry and my arms are bleeding from my own brain. If only the thunder in my brain would stop pounding. If only the chemicals do what they were meant to do… yet they don’t. So here I am now, standing out in the rain… it’s 1 am… my homework is inside… and I have accepted my death. I hope it takes me in a painless way. A way I won’t be able to regret. My brain still chimes in, “maybe we should go do our homework instead?” I refuse to listen. My life isn’t mine. My brain isn’t mine. What even is mine? I don’t know what to think as the thunder is pounding and there is lightning at my feet.