the angel of my dreams

 i was sexually assaulted in middle school by a close friend and didn’t realize it for a while because of how toxic our relationship was i was constantly being gaslit and isolated and although my sexual trauma is only part of the issues ive had after the fact another part of my issue is my relationship with my father. i have diagnosed ptsd from my assault and the issues of my father and just my messy home life in general, my nightmare flashbacks were a lot more consistent in the beginning but after a bit of therapy my ptsd symptoms got better. i was doing good for a while and if i got nightmares they weren’t the worst and weren’t alway focused on my trauma sometimes they can just be 'normal' nightmares like a friend betraying you in a similar way and those were manageable. one of the nightmares that stood out and has haunted me so to speak was going to look at this fancy new school they built as its opening was a big deal we were in the massive gym stadium it even had like a roller rink around the basket ball court, they were letting people skate while the cheerleaders were doing their routine. their were these crazy pink lights and people skating all around me and all of a sudden my perpetrator was their acting like nothing happened and we were back to the time when things were 'innocent' i was freaking out seeing them and they just wouldn’t let go of my hand not letting me leave and obsessing over every inch of me. i was trying to move away trying to get them to let go of my hand and even thought i was trying to leave i felt frozen until a girl i know was an angel came to rescue me. i'm spiritual but not Christian or anything though my i do like the symbolism and imagery in media and although this isn't a project for me to dissect i believe in some way she may have been an angel. she had dirty blonde curly hair, it was in a kinda deep part and flowed down her back her face was pretty and kind her eyes were green possibly hazel and popped out with her tan skin, her smile was kind and she had freckles that adorned her face and they reminded me of stars in the sky. she placed herself in between the two of us stopping her from touching me and although my abuser tried to touch me she wouldn’t let her harm me. in a moment she held my hand and took me far away from them and did everything to hide me. and made sure i got home safe. for a while i didn’t nt see her in my dreams but as my nightmares got worse i saw her again and again. its late as ive had a bad few nights and episodes but if you are my angel thank you. even if you look like my angel thank you it may not mean much but i believe that you are someones angel and you are important to someone.